The Slow Reader

While we read together we reached chapter 11 of the book..

Alone I was a slow reader and covered only 2 more chapters..

The memory of chapter 11 was still fresh in my mind...

But you moved on to chapter 18 all by yourself..

Where chapter 11 became just a part of the book..

When you looked up, you didn't find me there..

It is understandable that you got baffled..

Leave behind the slow reader my friend...

And read on.. you must always move to the next chapter..

Each reader will finish the book in their own time..

Like a butterfly
you think I am..
Broken out of
the chrysalis of time...
The time we shared
together as friends..
We retain the title
still today-but only in name..
In my colours
you will see it reflected..
The influence-
our larvae of same origin..
Little do you know that,
my life is a bubble..
I constantly move forward-
but with memories as lifeblood..

CSM

i studied for it till my brains went all fuzzy..
eight excruciating days, i was all busy..

through random numbers and simulations..
to end in a page full of tabulations...

the distributions of probabilities..
to check system reliabilities...

while thinking of the time...
when i leave all this behind...

today dawned scared and queasy..
i think this rhyme's just getting cheesy...

so lets get to the actual point lastly...
my paper today was extremely ghastly!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a random rhyme after an appallingly traumatic paper of COMPUTER SIMULATION AND MODELING..
cheers to u'll while i get to my next paper!!

HOPE

i was just cleaning out my book shelf when i came across my very FIRST book in which I wrote poems...
here's my favorite one out of those...
this is about 8 years ago...and so its sort of kiddish...
but love it because its my first published work...in my school magazine... :) :D
i was damn proud of myself...

neway..here it is...

HOPE

There is beauty in the sunset,

There is beauty in the dawn,

One makes you think of what has been,

The other leads you on,

So while you enjoy these precious hours,

Let no regrets cloud your mind,

There's still the future bright with hope,

And many a rainbow to find.

THE VOICE OF A TERRORIST

My life is abhorred,
But for me was felicitous and gay,
as I chose the spiritual way,
They raved and ranted,
About God being squandered,
We listened enraptured,
Our minds staid and stronger,
We soon picked up rapiers,
And severed our minds,
Took an oath of subsistence,
Till placed in our shrine,
A promise of a tryst,
With the almighty lord,
Lured most of our kind,
To the paths we trod,
It wasn't a spoof,
I realize now,
I'm trooping those heights
My wish will materialize now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(the thought i have expressed in the poem are what i understand form the concept of JIHAD from a time when terrorism was not a professional option!)

The reason I have written this poem from the perspective of a terrorist, is because I was genuinely wondering what makes them do what they do and stick by it remorselessly.

I tried to do a little reading to figure it out, but obviously a terrorist has yet come out with his/her biography saying "This is why i became a terrorist----".

The reasons could be a plenty and varied. Broadly it could be because of socio-cultural conditions experienced while growing up, company kept by impressionable minds and more often than not some personal experience of loss because of the same activities they perpetuate in order to take revenge.

Meaning no offense to any religion but a majority of the terrorists in the world today, are Islamic. Unfortunately, because of these miscreants and their distorted interpretation of their (actually beautiful) religion, a stigma had been attached to Islam in countries which are not primarily inhabited by Muslims. The prejudice has only increased the divide.

"Mujahideen", is the word they use, which means struggler(it has its root in the word 'jihad').
The mujahideens in history were considered heroes, thats another things the TERRORISTS have negated, the positive implication of JIHAD in history.

But despite their abominable actions, what actually disgusts me something else.

Today, Terrorism has become a high profile PROFESSION, under the false guise of religion.!!

Living in India, we have now faced a lot of terrorism in all parts of the country in the past 15 years. Right from the 1993 blasts to the Hyderabad blasts of last week, perpetrated by organizations from within and without. Each time a different Lashkar or Mujahideen organization takes the responsibility for the incident.

But among all other emotions, I always wonder,
WHAT WERE THEY THINKING????

EGGS FOR BREAKFAST

When making my breakfast
in the morning today,
I wondered, what it my egg
represents my day?
An omelette, with chopped chillies,
onions and tomatoes,
Is a day when life, keeps you
on youe toes,
A fried egg or two, either sunny
side up or down,
Indicates a happy one or one,
marked with a frown,
An egg minus the yolk, for
the diet conscious folk,
A day of healthy living, lest
we die of a stroke,
An egg that goes wrong, can
be scrambled,
A day when life, is all
in shambles,
But fluffy buttered scrambles,
make a very tasty dish,
And ultimately breakfast in bed,
is now my wish!!

just something beautiful i came across...

I'm not begging you to love me.
I'm not really even asking you to.
But isn't it alright if i cherish that hope in my heart ?
If i just dream of holding your hand it will hurt me and not you.
I'll try to keep my eyes from shining when they see you and
i promise not to smile a special smile when you say hello.
But please...
Don't ask me
Not to love you.

Light is as surely a hoax
as is the adage
"Everything happens for the best";
Negating the ephemeral nature
of things to come;
Misery persists as sure as darkness;
We remain forever,
remain in the uncertain flicker of dusk;
Unavoidably...Inescapably
But sometimes,
Joy like music, transcends
all barriers and emerges
in the form or irridescent bubbles;
Ensconed in these bubbles
we see a pleasantly distorted world;
And finally
All our hypotheses are disproved
and our analysis rndered useless....

RECIPE

A cauldron with drops of honey,
Without any knowledge,
Awareness adds various ingredients,
Different for each one,
Sometimes good, Sometimes bad,
But eventually a recipe is what you have,
The stirring with a turbulence begun,
The ingredients react,
All the cooks can do is wait and watch,
Apprehensive how the dish will turn out!

Whenever a noble deed is wrought,
Whenever spoken a noble thought,
Our hearts in glad surprise,
To higher levels rise,
The tidal wave of deeper souls,
Into our inmost being rolls,
And lifts us unawares,
Out of all meaner cares!

FOR HER...

On 15th August 1947, Nehru gave his speech about "A tryst with destiny...." with hope, pride and vigour in his heart..
Today, exactly 60 years of that day...let us ask ourselves whether we have achieved that which our forefathers dreamed..
I think..the answer is we have and also not...
Because..India has truly made scientific, economic and cultural progress..
But with all these positives have come too many avoidable and unavoidable negatives..
When I say unavoidable I mean-- pollution, economic divide etc...
and by avoidable I mean--corruption, communal disharmony, media circus etc...
For most of us this has simply become a day...when we get a holiday from work and school...Sing Jana Gana Mana after the flag hoisting and see the parade on DD1.(*tho i wonder how many peole do the latter as well nowadays*)
To write a good appraisal on the current state of India, I will need to research my facts and figures...but then that may be a technically correct analysis...but what I feel from the heart is...

India is a resilient country, and has been and continues to progress exponentially, despit all the hurdles and encumbrances...Everything has its positives and negatives, so before criticizing next time we should keep in mind...to cite a few examples...
Political system--yes it is corrupt, slow but has sustained over 6 decades and works remarkably well for a country with the size and diversity of India...
Economic system---yes it is increasing the economic divide...but only because of these same policies have we carved a much required niche in the world economy..
and so on....

Each one shud try to think of a way they could do some good to the country..I dont mean a grand plan(*If u can come up with one then ...brilliant!!*)
But I mean..by just individually being a good citizen....
Vote..Pay ur taxes on time, be a good Samaritan, involve in social service in ur area etc...
that can be our contribution to=== India-A Superpower...60 years hence....
To end just something I wrote...

FOR HER

In search of solace,
Hurt and Lost,
I cried, till I found her lap;

In her arms I lay,
Broken and Bruised,
I cried, till the break of dawn;

In the shroud of her care,
Soft and Caressing,
I cried, till the pain was gone;

In my mind I saw clearly,
Numb-robbed of Sensation,
I cried, till the tears dried up;

In clarity, helped by care,
Lonely, but not Alone,
I cried, silently, till she could hear no more;

In that plight, so straight I stood,
For Her and the World to see,
I smiled, but my heart still cried within me.

Advances...

My circle of friends is very large...I really believe in making friends for life..
They are my priority most of the time..its only in rare moments I selfishly think solely for myself..
Sometimes a lot of the things that i want to or have to do at a personal level remain undone because of this...
Now every human being...goes through phases when they need to be purely with themselves, thus limiting or in some cases entirely cutting of contact with other people..I've been there myself and completely understand the sentiment..
But when 4-5 people in the circle of friends,that is close to u, do that...ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!
then it gets too alarming for coincidence..
Now these are all friends who have nothing to do with each other, so its not something decided amongst them...I haven't really had fights with any of them lately...so baffled and stumped i was..that when realization of this situation dawned..
My First reaction: Have I changed?? Or done something wrong?? And what am I supposed to read into this??
but slowly on reasoning, analysis, confrontation and reassurances...
IT HAS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!!!
(*What a relief!!*)
I respect what each one of them is doing or has to do..each for their own reasons...
but it had left a pocket of vacuum in my life...
So this is one time that I'm gonna be selfish and wish that they all just come back soon!!
Am really missing them all!!

ADVANCES



i have,
myriad questions,
unanswered they remain;
i have,
all emotions bared,
like a mollusk u remain;
i have,
tried all i could,
unyielding u remain;
i have,
made silence my ally,
but ever loyal to u it remains;
i have,
a companion tried to be,
stubbornly alone u remain;
i have,
a hand toward extended,
like always u treat it with disdain!
-Sneha

MAYBE

In this journey of life,
Walking on the road of time;

Somewhere down the lane we met,
Towards a destination ours paths were set;

Helping one another on the way,
Blossomed a friendship, meant to stay;

But the road suddenly came to a fork,
Directions in which life sent us broke;

The distance brought in a gap,
In the friendship, as well as the road map;

So now we go our separate ways,
The journey spanning more than just days;

But, I'm still hoping our paths will mend,

Somewhere before our journey's end.

Your take on love....

Recently, a friend of mine put up a question for me in one of his blog posts...
It simply said...

ur take on love..........


and I replied thus....

vitruvian said...

my take on love...i'm sure v've spoken on the subject like a zillion times...
but..hmmm..
heres an ad hoc rhyme..

in my human eyes..
through lifetimes..
the state of love varies...

to my innocent mind..
in a bygone time..
love was like a quintessential lea...

to my hardened heart...
in a then stark life..
love was like a turbulent sea...

to my inexperienced mind..
in the current moment..
love is like an entity..

its boundaries blurred yet clear...
the sole reprieve yet my greatest fear...
pain which seems like exquisite joy...
a confused lie which i deny!

i hope that answers ur question...

Now for my readers...answer me this...

ur take on love..........

RESULTS...

I believe...
Exams are devised not to evaluate but to eliminate !!

One of the worst things about engineering is that we have 2 major exams in a year...S effectively we are all the time either..
preparing for exams..
giving exams..
or waiting for the results...
and awaiting results is a trying time for everyone...without exception....
Ok...so in my college...the results are put up in lists on this one particular wall..so it has obviously been dubbed the "Result Wall"....
and every time any old results and notices are cleared...
the uncertainty..the sos' and the prayers start pouring out!!
>Is it our result being put up??
>I hope i've cleared xyz paper/s!!!
>God please help!!
there is this knot that ties itself up in everyone's stomach....and the usual symptoms of fear..
some start shuddering with tremors as though they are reaching hyperpyrexia....
some behave as tho rigor mortis has miraculously set in while they are still alive...
some remain cool most of it..but 5 mis prior jump like cats on a hot tin roof..

So while waiting for my results...(which haven't yet come..it was a false alarm..)
I scribbled a few lines to relieve the tension...which a few found quite funny so here goes....


Tension palpable in the air,
Someones fallen off their chair;

Someones biting off their nails,
Somewhere emenate scared wails;

Watch the scene, look one and all,
Results are being put up on the 'WALL';

Shitting bricks, goosebumps prick,
Oops! Someones off being sick;

Lets check quick,PASS or FAIL,
Before we suffer a heart fail.

There's No Hope

I came across this recently...and it touched a chord somewhere...

There's No Hope


you don't even know the pain i feel
when i start to question what is real
i know you're the cause
my lust for you gnaws
its way, through my brain
and i'm here, alone standing
by myself, with tears of understanding
rolling down my cheeks

this time i'm really confused
about what i should do
i have this fear of never being satisfied
i can't find stable happiness,
i've tried and tried ,
this isn't easy,

i'm the butt of my own joke,

i want some affection, this is all i hope

but now i know my bended
heart won't be mended
by your love....
no longer will i cry
or ask for help from up above
and i'll live my life until i die
wondering if i'll ever be satisfied
it's not easy being the butt of your own joke
i want some affection, this is all i hope

-Derek del Barrio

INHERENT PRESENCE

Inherently woven into the fabric of my life;

In the dawn of my day,
In the loniliness of my night,
In all the things that I feel,
At every altar that I kneel;

In the colours of my brush,
In the moments of my solitude,
In all the words that I say,
At every emotion that I display;

In the happiness of my life,
In the hardships of my way,
In all the decisions that I take,
At every choice that I make;

In my breath,
In my blood,
In my heart,
In my soul;

Inherently woven into the fabric of my life.

ENTRANCED BY RAINS

I seem to be unable to write anything except stuff to do with rains...
Every time i pick up my pen..thats the only subject i can spew words on...
Its like all other subjects have refused to flow through it....
Every one of my words sounds like an expectation to me...hoping that the rains will absolve me of all my sins and dissolve all my misery...leaving me clean, pure and simply happy..
Neway...so here goes...just a few lines to that end...

When the skies cry for us,
We feel a sense of relief,
Which transmutes any sadness
We may be feeling into a
Pure Unbounded Joy,
Which only simple things can give us,
The water cleanses,
The fragrance of wetness transports,
The sense of lush greenery satiates,
My soul finally feels liberated,
As if nature is consoling me,
And caressing me into an entirely
different realm,
Of Joy...Pure Unbounded Joy.

FOR ALL THOSE FOOLS WHO LOVE...sigh..!

Yesterday was one of those uncharacteristically rainy evenings, when u want to sit by your window and simply stare at the rain pouring down...
But it was not one of those days when the rain made me ecstatically happy..it just made me inexplicably confused..A mixture of emotions whirring through my mind..
But i sat still, turning 'nothing in particular' over in my head...
when i remembered this snippet i had once written so i thought i'll put it up...

When it rains,
It feels as the skies are
Crying and rejoicing for
Us all
All those fools who love
My heart feels like
Its in a whirlpool of emotion
Soaring up to the heavens
And flung down to hell
Both at the same time
Thats what i've realized
Love feels like
That i can be happy
Even while my heart is breaking....

Rains..with freedom...at long last

My month long exams are finally done...
In the throes of my most important papers and the weather becoming increasingly oppressive, I'd been praying for respite. I've been waiting for the rains so long and so hard, I'm sure I beat the Indian farmer at it this time round!
Finally...It rained about 10 days back...
And baarish ka pehla side effect????
>>My mind obviously flew completely off my studies!!
I simply wanted to rush out and get drenched..but couldn't take the risk of falling ill in the middle of exams...I was trapped but my mind and soul was flying trying to capture the essence of the beautiful rapturous rain!!
Phrases were running amok in my head...but they were all in hindi...when i tried to translate they were simply sounding absurd and too ostentatious...the words were loosing their essence and meaning...
so decided to write in hindi itself...I beg pardon of all those people who may get offended by the malaprop of any term...
So here goes:
Station ke bahar pakode ki khushboo aaye,
Chapre ke neeche garam masaaledaar chai!

Phurrr se baarish hui shuru,
Dhunde toh dekha, chatri nahi laaye!

Jhijak ke do minute soche,
Phir bedhadaas paani mein nahaaye!

Woh geeli mitti ki khushboo, Woh garam bhutte ka swaad,
Without fail dilade barsaat ki yaad!

Kapde ho gaye kharab, Naale se badboo aaye,
Phir bhi yeh baarish maan ko bhaa jaaye!


Khao chowpatty pe bhaaji pau, Naarial paani ko mat bhulao,
Samandar kinaare baarish ka alag hi anubhav!

Ghar pe coffee aur kitaab, Bahar garajti kadakti barsaat,
Aise bhi, kuch apne dil ko lubhaaye!

Alag rangon mein, Alag dhangon se,
Jaise bhi ho...
Baarish mein mazaa toh sabko aaye!

-Sneha