Thursday, July 18, 2013

My Battle With Ego & Pride

We're friends,
That's nice,
We talk,
We're fine,

Pride is hurt
Ego is slighted
Every time
You choose her
You pick her

I still come back
I'm there
In the background
For your attention
For your care
Its not there
Its never there

Why do I still wait
Pride hurt
Ego slighted

In your presence
They evaporate
When you're gone
They torment me

Friday, May 31, 2013

Letting Go

If saying goodbye hurts so much, why do we say goodbye? Because it hurts so much more to keep holding on to something that isn't there. Like you’re hanging off a ledge and someone is jumping up and down on your hands but you still can’t let go. Like when you’re little and you’re being tickled…you shout for it to stop because it’s torture, but then you go back for more, because somehow being tickled makes you feel safe and special. Holding on is like that…but the torture is painful…and it doesn't make you smile. That’s why we’re supposed to say goodbye. That’s why we’re meant to let go.

The hardest part is letting go when you never had something real to hold on to.

Monday, May 27, 2013

Certainty can also be a bitch.

What you say is valued by a very few people. Most don't even remember.

Shared memories are always incomplete.

It is the most difficult thing to stay on the same page as another person.

You're standing there, apparently unarmed
but yet you manage to chip away at my heart everyday.

Like footprints in the sand...
Did my impressions in your life get wiped out in a single wave?

I associate everything with you...
Nothing bears my association for you...
Did those years actually exist...

har dil thoda khudgarz hota hai..
jab hume dard hota hai tab
kisi apne ke khushi mein bhi
khush hone ki koshish karni padti hai

Healing lies in the silence of the mind and madness of the words.

And the words will set you free....

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Every pore called out to him
She screamed
But there was dead silence
She tried to remind him
But there was no memory
She tried to hold on
He was there no more
Her face smiled
Her heart cried
She tried to keep him together
Her soul was shattered
Life moved on
Her days moved on
She moved forward
Or at least a version of her
She stayed in the past
Or at least a version of her
Thinking of the future
That could have been..
That should have been..
She tried to keep sane
She lived at the brink of insanity
She regained normalcy
She was forever damaged
She waited...
For someone to rescue her
For someone to smile at
For someone to live for
For someone to hold again
For a future happiness
While she waited,
She tried...
To not remember him
To not feel for him
To not think of him
To not want him
To not belong to him

She was just there...
She is just there...
She will be just there??

Friday, March 08, 2013

The Natural Order of Things

At one point in time, writing came naturally to me. Writer's Block was somewhat of a matter to laugh about. It was the era when I used to blog like people change Facebook status' these days. I used to specifically make note of things so that I could furnish proper details in my account. I think it also helped make me more observant and more interested in everything.

I think the art of writing is as easily lost as... sugar crystals in water - 

for a little while they survive, 
while yet left untouched in still waters, 
in the whirl of things otherwise,
they get lost in plain sight

Now, it is a labourious task to pen down a few thoughts and more often than not, I end up with an unpublished draft instead of a post. 

When I had begun blogging, there were several people in the blogsphere who read by blogs and I theirs. There was a fairly large web of individuals writing fairly often - of their life, of their happiness, of their angst, of their thoughts and some concocted realities or absurdities. 

My stream of posts has declined drastically over the years from 54 in 2007, when I began to 3 in the last year i.e. 2012. I wondered if my fellow bloggers were afflicted by the same phenomenon. And so I went on a trip, down the alleys of places that were once familiar, their texture, tone and sentence construction reminding me of lives and thoughts that I once knew about. Here's a statistic only 3 of the 16 blogs that I visited were posting with any regularity any more. And even the ones who did post, the number of post per year was steadily dwindling.

It then struck me, I'd just encountered the Natural Order of Things.

Reflect, this happens with most things throughout our lives. Our enthusiasm wanes, games reduce, our novelty with our partner reduces and the list could go on. Without delving into specifics, I ask you to introspect and try, if you can find some aspect of our lives, that does not follow this natural order.