Experience..

Age and experience are supposed to make us wiser...
But from what I see they just make us bitter, cynical or nostalgic...
*sigh*

Like a butterfly
you think I am..
Broken out of
the chrysalis of time...
The time we shared
together as friends..
We retain the title
still today-but only in name..
In my colours
you will see it reflected..
The influence-
our larvae of same origin..
Little do you know that,
my life is a bubble..
I constantly move forward-
but with memories as lifeblood..

HAPPY NEW YEAR

The 1st of January is just another date on the calendar..So why the hype about it..
Yes..along with the fist 2 columns on the date line even the 3rd column changes...thats why...then shouldn't we celebrate everyday!!
Well...I think we should...Welcome to this celebration which we call life!

but now since we have shown this apartheid b/w the numbers on the date line...
lets flow with it...

Like everyone else, even I dissect my old year for the good and the bad happenings..
relive memories....wish for big good things in the coming year..make umpteen resolutions(which i NEVER keep)...

But what IS special about this day..NEW YEARS EVE is..that...

its an excuse to have special fun(some ppl need it)...
to remember loved ones(why do we need this)...
to hope for a better tomorrow(shouldn't we do this every night)...

we shud live everyday like its new years eve..(minus the extremely WILD partying and wishing all and sundry..)
and our life will BECOME a celebration...

i'd stopped making resolutions last year...
but only keep one thing with me..

MERELY WISHING FOR GOOD THINGS TO HAPPEN IS NOT SUFFICIENT..BE PROACTIVE ABOUT IT!

LOve to all my readers and non-readers and their near and dear ones...
and warm wishes for good health and happiness for atleast the next 365 days...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am necessarily going to have be away from this space till the 10th of January...
See u all after i get back....
TAKE CARE..
CAIO..

<<<<<<------ONE YEAR BACK..........>>>>>TODAY

A YEAR BACK

December, in Mumbai, is one of the most pleasant months. The residents of the city get a respite from the humidly oppressive heat without having to bear harsh winters.
On one such day in December 2006, they met around mid-morning at Churchgate station-A casual meeting between friends who hadn't met for a while because of exam schedules. They greeted each other with brilliant smiles, reserved for people who "make your day".

They exchanged initial pleasantries and headed towards Mocha for a relaxed morning of coffee and chatter. Most of the day passed by like a breeze...lunch at Pizzeria....a walk along Marine Drive...well almost...

Come evening, they sat together at the sea-side. Each of them involved in their own thoughts--thoughts of events, other people and life in general. The conversation was just perfect, just enough to suggest company and comfortable enough to allow room for the thoughts.
Suddenly, she glanced at him and caught him staring at her. She held his eye and they looked....just looked at each other.

They only noticed time, when it began trying to veil the intimacy of their gaze, with the dark blue of the night sky.The spell lifted and a chill breeze blew in.

Not a little conscious, she eventually asked him,"Usually when we speak, even when you are miles away from me, over the phone, I always know what exactly is going on in your mind and heart...
But today, you are here sitting, not 1 foot away from me and I'm incapable of understanding anything about you."
He just smiled a mysterious smile and answered.."Thats because I was thinking about you..."


TODAY

A year has passed that day....a year full of turmoil and unpleasant events.....

He calls her up.
Him: "Hi!! Whats up?"
Her: "Hey, nothing, just watching TV..U tell me.."
Him: "How are your studies going on?How was todays paper?"
Her:"Sucked big time...Better try to make up in the next one..What about your work?"
Him:"All great as usual."
Her:"And your amma?"
Him:"She's fine. But I do miss her."
.
.
.
.(a pause..the kind that you would call pregnant..)
.
.
Her:"I think I should get back to my work now"
Him:"Yea, I guess you should...bye!"
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I guess life goes on....
we haven't seen anything that qualifies the end of the world yet..

BLOGGERS..POETS AND CONFESSIONS...

I like my blog!!
Well I'm starting by saying that because, unwittingly this has become a rather important part of my life..
I always knew what kind of a writer I was..and how much or how little I could do with my words..
I'd begun this blog for absolutely no reason...save...boredom!
But now its extremely therapeutic...
To be able to vent..or simply ramble....basically treating it like a Pensieve(For those who are Harry Potter ignorants..check the link)..
But wait..a diary serves this purpose too..doesn't it?? In fact its better...u can write whatever the fuck u wish...no one to censure it or judge u!!
Nah..thats what makes this place different and better!
The people.....those who read your blog regularly and comment...leaving behind words of advice...happiness...wisdom...comfort..as and when required..
Following other blogs by other people just completes the blogging experience...
The variety of topics...difference in thoughts and opinions...radical lifestyles...there is a lot that gets reflected in each blog, irrespective of the kind of blog that it might be..
a lot of people say.."I MY BLOG IS ME"...well i cannot somehow wholly agree with that statement because each one keeps a bit of themselves away from others..the reasons are different for each...
but everyone does it...
i don't judge people by their blogs...
i don't assume or presume that i know ANYTHING about the person just because i've been reading his/her blog...
but it DOES give u a sense of familiarity...

Now i really admire a lot of my "blogger friends"...

Annie- with her undiluted words straight from the bottom of her heart...
i admire this because..call me a wuss but i NEED the cover of poetry or abstraction to
express...

Ashu- who is so clear in each of her posts and pays attention to every detail...
her thought process clearly visible in each and every one of her posts...

c e e d y- heres one i started following only recently...but i think he comes up with great ideas in his posts...
his innovative and creative streak comes across on his blog..

D- opinionated and independent....yet her posts have an extremely homely feel to them...

Dharmabum- now i do enjoy his "bummy" way of writing...he's irregular but makes up for it with extremely long and flavourful posts when he gets back..
his posts are like captain cooks recipie...but u can still taste every ingredient..yes even the socks!! ;-)

DreamCatcher- aahhh...this is Mr.Big Words...my God I learn atleast one new word per post from him...
He writes beautifully in both English as well as Hindi..his poems have an ethereal quality to them which is extremely seductive...

Eva- aahhh..this is one good writer...shes refreshingly different and really good...
its a very young though sufficiently tempered view on life...which is beautiful to behold...

Keshi-this is one blogger whose blog is genuinely her online diary...
she write without inhibitions and reservations...the way she manages to carve her everyday life into such interesting posts, it makes me feel that life is never dull..
its the way u look at it..

Raajeev- this guy is absolutely amazing...completely out of the box...
the romanticism in his tales are amazing...and his poems are equally if not more brilliant...
he paints a very vivid picture irrespective of the medium he uses..

Neo- aahhh...the dark side of the moon.....
he uses his blog to vent...but what a beautiful blog that makes it...
his templates are always beautiful..and his poems..my oh my...they are dark..dripping with pain...the only colours he makes u thin of are the scarlet of freshly spilled blood and the black of death!
All this makes his blog strangely addictive...

Nothingman- Only lately have i realized the true value of this genius....
"i admire him" is an understatement...i absolutely love him...
i don't know HOW he manages to come up with a story AND a poem every day...and never has he posted an excuse for either...
sheer talent!!

PK and SAJIT- well these are actually my friends(not only on the http)...
and their blogs tho listed are defunct...but i mention them here because i have been greatly impressed and influenced by their words and works...

Shimmer- tho not on my roll...I'm amazed by this runaway poet!!

I really want thank all these people for making this fun and enriching....and all the others who visit this place and brighten my day...I read many more blogs and appreciate the sentiments on them all..the above are just a few who have left an impression on me in some way or another...
this seems to have a tone of finality to it..but I'm definitely not going anywhere and will continue to waste web space for a long time to come...
Keep blogging people...
Cheers!

REVELATION

Today I'm Liberated..I'm Free..
There's no place else I'd rather be..
Gone past the irrevocable change..
New Beginnings..They can be strange..
---------------------------------------------------
I've just got my Life back..
I'm doing the same things..
But my heart feels so light..
And everything feels so right..
---------------------------------------------------
In order to move on confidently and unabashedly..
I have to make peace with my past..
See the path I've traveled..
Learn not to regret the ME of the past...
And Understand and accept the me of the present..

bE baCK s00N...

alive yet dead...
with life unforgiven....

its long since i'd said it...
but now i finally awaken...

to truth..to reality..
to my life...
which is still waiting for me....

I loVe mY LyF!!!!!! :) :) :)

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my exams have finally arrived to stay for a month...
will definitely post...but probably at the rate of one a week or something...
have actually just gotten back to this place after soo long...
dont feel like neglecting it...but PRIORITIES!!
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P.S: Please read the post below...entitled LIFE..??
I really want to know your perspectives on this one...

LIFE......???

Well...Wiki and Google are my uncontested God's and i will stand by that till my dying day..
But i have found some questions to which even these great search engines have no answers!!!
Life......
I think this in itself is one BIG question...
The way people lead their lives can broadly fall into three categories;

1. those who believe solely in action...their thoughts are always rational...and practical...they live without wanting to realize the meaning of life (if there is infact any such thing!!)
2. those people who try to figure the meaning of the life they lead...have an objective...and try to achieve a balance between philosophy and practicality(i would like to think that these make up the majority in the world)
3. and lastly those who only philosophize...their brand of philosophy abstains from productive activity...and if they achieve any its purely accidental(there actually are people like this!)

What is this great question I'm talking about?? Some problem in life?? Some major decisions to make?? Well yes and no...
Its a basic question....LIFE???

If I attach and WHY's ...HOW's and WHAT's to it...then the nature of the question will be mis-interpreted....

There are Spiritual Gurus who tell us how to lead our lives...
Religion has been doing this, for as far as human history dates back..and has succeeded to a certain extent...the thought process and behavior of a person is greatly influenced by their religious background...
There are also Books about how one go about every possible activity involved in human life from ingestion to incarceration...for heaven's sake they even tell us how to have sex!!
Friends...Family...The people who form our society are important factors in the answer to this question as well...but at least we voluntarily allow that intrusion...

But now its my turn.....
OBJECTIVE...This, according to me is the essence of life...
If u've got to live a truly fruitful life you need an objective...
Now this term needs defining...I mean it should be a broad center of ur life...
For example..Someones objective could be to attain God....
To make the world a better place....
OR....
To simply be happy....

Now what is important is to define "What makes you happy?"
Success.....People.....Social Service.....anything....

This seems easy...but is the most difficult step of all...
Once u've got this sorted...the rest is what YOUR life will be...the way YOU want it to be...
Every step or decision you take...every long or short term plan or goal that yo make...will be to fulfill YOUR objective...

Now this doesn't mean that, everyone REQUIRES to have a dream or achieve something great in life.
Even the person who decides that to be happy is his ultimate objective of life and that his happiness lies in -doing a decently paying 9-5 job, go home to his family and take the kids for a picnic on Sundays, as long as he lives this completely,
HIS QUESTION IS ANSWERED...

But I'm still asking.... LIFE???

THE VOICE OF A TERRORIST

My life is abhorred,
But for me was felicitous and gay,
as I chose the spiritual way,
They raved and ranted,
About God being squandered,
We listened enraptured,
Our minds staid and stronger,
We soon picked up rapiers,
And severed our minds,
Took an oath of subsistence,
Till placed in our shrine,
A promise of a tryst,
With the almighty lord,
Lured most of our kind,
To the paths we trod,
It wasn't a spoof,
I realize now,
I'm trooping those heights
My wish will materialize now.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(the thought i have expressed in the poem are what i understand form the concept of JIHAD from a time when terrorism was not a professional option!)

The reason I have written this poem from the perspective of a terrorist, is because I was genuinely wondering what makes them do what they do and stick by it remorselessly.

I tried to do a little reading to figure it out, but obviously a terrorist has yet come out with his/her biography saying "This is why i became a terrorist----".

The reasons could be a plenty and varied. Broadly it could be because of socio-cultural conditions experienced while growing up, company kept by impressionable minds and more often than not some personal experience of loss because of the same activities they perpetuate in order to take revenge.

Meaning no offense to any religion but a majority of the terrorists in the world today, are Islamic. Unfortunately, because of these miscreants and their distorted interpretation of their (actually beautiful) religion, a stigma had been attached to Islam in countries which are not primarily inhabited by Muslims. The prejudice has only increased the divide.

"Mujahideen", is the word they use, which means struggler(it has its root in the word 'jihad').
The mujahideens in history were considered heroes, thats another things the TERRORISTS have negated, the positive implication of JIHAD in history.

But despite their abominable actions, what actually disgusts me something else.

Today, Terrorism has become a high profile PROFESSION, under the false guise of religion.!!

Living in India, we have now faced a lot of terrorism in all parts of the country in the past 15 years. Right from the 1993 blasts to the Hyderabad blasts of last week, perpetrated by organizations from within and without. Each time a different Lashkar or Mujahideen organization takes the responsibility for the incident.

But among all other emotions, I always wonder,
WHAT WERE THEY THINKING????

GOLDEN WORDS

Life deals everyone with at least their share of shit,
But each one reacts differently to it,
Some understand that it is crap and flush it,
Others stir it, just to test what happens.

HERO

I believe that there is a HERO in all of us.
This is because, according to me,
"To do the right thing, even when no one is watching, simply because it is the right thing to do is heroic."

This sounds simple enough, but ask yourselves,
how many would work as well if it were not for appraisals..
how many would study as well if it weren't for competitive and relative grading...

Begin by redefining a SUCCESSFUL LIFE..
Success lies in the quality you can see and feel in your own life, not, what others see in your life.

It is difficult to stick to the good path, to make this difference in your own life, simply because its right. We need to keep a constant check on ourselves, our life and other path to the future.

So the average man who does the right thing and is happy in his life qualifies as -my HERO.
The man
Who does his job well irrespective of whether or not his boos is looking,
Who plays with his kids, whether or not anyone is watching and
Who showers his love and lust only on his wife..

I think even such a person is a hero in life..

Light is as surely a hoax
as is the adage
"Everything happens for the best";
Negating the ephemeral nature
of things to come;
Misery persists as sure as darkness;
We remain forever,
remain in the uncertain flicker of dusk;
Unavoidably...Inescapably
But sometimes,
Joy like music, transcends
all barriers and emerges
in the form or irridescent bubbles;
Ensconed in these bubbles
we see a pleasantly distorted world;
And finally
All our hypotheses are disproved
and our analysis rndered useless....

RECIPE

A cauldron with drops of honey,
Without any knowledge,
Awareness adds various ingredients,
Different for each one,
Sometimes good, Sometimes bad,
But eventually a recipe is what you have,
The stirring with a turbulence begun,
The ingredients react,
All the cooks can do is wait and watch,
Apprehensive how the dish will turn out!

Whenever a noble deed is wrought,
Whenever spoken a noble thought,
Our hearts in glad surprise,
To higher levels rise,
The tidal wave of deeper souls,
Into our inmost being rolls,
And lifts us unawares,
Out of all meaner cares!

Story of my Love Life....

i never thought i would find a song that aptly describes any part of my life....
but i recently found a song that describes my love life perfectly...

ONly his name isn't DREW....and i don't play the guitar...lol...
but in essence its the current state of my love life...
not really my kinda song...but the lyrics just HIT home!!

its called "teardrops on my guitar" by an artiste called Taylor Swift...
here are the lyrics..
Teardrops On My Guitar Lyrics


Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

[Repeat Chorus]

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see.

do check out the video on youtube....

FOR HER...

On 15th August 1947, Nehru gave his speech about "A tryst with destiny...." with hope, pride and vigour in his heart..
Today, exactly 60 years of that day...let us ask ourselves whether we have achieved that which our forefathers dreamed..
I think..the answer is we have and also not...
Because..India has truly made scientific, economic and cultural progress..
But with all these positives have come too many avoidable and unavoidable negatives..
When I say unavoidable I mean-- pollution, economic divide etc...
and by avoidable I mean--corruption, communal disharmony, media circus etc...
For most of us this has simply become a day...when we get a holiday from work and school...Sing Jana Gana Mana after the flag hoisting and see the parade on DD1.(*tho i wonder how many peole do the latter as well nowadays*)
To write a good appraisal on the current state of India, I will need to research my facts and figures...but then that may be a technically correct analysis...but what I feel from the heart is...

India is a resilient country, and has been and continues to progress exponentially, despit all the hurdles and encumbrances...Everything has its positives and negatives, so before criticizing next time we should keep in mind...to cite a few examples...
Political system--yes it is corrupt, slow but has sustained over 6 decades and works remarkably well for a country with the size and diversity of India...
Economic system---yes it is increasing the economic divide...but only because of these same policies have we carved a much required niche in the world economy..
and so on....

Each one shud try to think of a way they could do some good to the country..I dont mean a grand plan(*If u can come up with one then ...brilliant!!*)
But I mean..by just individually being a good citizen....
Vote..Pay ur taxes on time, be a good Samaritan, involve in social service in ur area etc...
that can be our contribution to=== India-A Superpower...60 years hence....
To end just something I wrote...

FOR HER

In search of solace,
Hurt and Lost,
I cried, till I found her lap;

In her arms I lay,
Broken and Bruised,
I cried, till the break of dawn;

In the shroud of her care,
Soft and Caressing,
I cried, till the pain was gone;

In my mind I saw clearly,
Numb-robbed of Sensation,
I cried, till the tears dried up;

In clarity, helped by care,
Lonely, but not Alone,
I cried, silently, till she could hear no more;

In that plight, so straight I stood,
For Her and the World to see,
I smiled, but my heart still cried within me.

MAYBE

In this journey of life,
Walking on the road of time;

Somewhere down the lane we met,
Towards a destination ours paths were set;

Helping one another on the way,
Blossomed a friendship, meant to stay;

But the road suddenly came to a fork,
Directions in which life sent us broke;

The distance brought in a gap,
In the friendship, as well as the road map;

So now we go our separate ways,
The journey spanning more than just days;

But, I'm still hoping our paths will mend,

Somewhere before our journey's end.

EXTREMITIES.......

I have never meant this blog to be a journal....but unwittingly my moods, my fears, my emotions etc have dribbled their way into it....

Incidents and events are of no importance in the bigger picture...they are to be treated as trivialities...if given undue importance, they morph in to disaster!
Well sometimes...when u want to numb the emotions u tend to focus on the event...and analyze its technicalities...the "hows" and "whats" instead of the "whys"...

This is easy to do....emotions and events are manageable when they take place at different intervals of time and are independent of each other....
But when lightning strikes from 4 directions at once, then it is impossible to not think "WHY"??? Rants of self-pity...like.... Why me?? Why now???
But like they say....If not YOU then WHO?? If not NOW then WHEN???

But if u look around closely....Emerge from your convoluted sense of the world and pay some attention...Keep your eyes and ears open....
You will realize...you definitely are not the only one....
Its literally "Kahaani Har life ki".....
and with time and experience I've also come to believe in the adage...
"That which doesn't kill you..only makes you stronger!"

So...I figure...Live...
Go Make Mistakes...and some more!!Fall...so that you can rise again.....all the wiser for the fall.....

But for those who understand the happier side of the world...
My perception of the world just gets weirder..

I live in happiness and despair all at the same time....Tremendously happy...making everyone who stays around laugh....and feel the twinkle of their happiness...let it invade ur being....
UNTIL...the other monster takes over....the sulky, sullen, irritable...near-clinical-depression self...which emerges to simply confuse the shit out of you!!

So effectively...I become...Happy...Depressed...Confused!!
Now Do I clinically qualify for psychosis???

Now answer me this....So...What is my mood today????

Back to the basics...

She sat alone on the beach staring at the immense expanse of the ocean...
desolate...scared...lonely....
nothing was particularly wrong in life...but nothing was particularly right either...
As random thoughts flitted through her brain...she felt a desperate urge to write something...
So she blindly penned down her thoughts...Her hands moved involuntarily...when they finally stopped, she tried to read the words...
But they were a blur...it took her several attempts before she could focus and see them clearly....they read...

It takes you away from the mundane,
Yet everything remains the same,
In its vastness, everything pales to insignificance,
Breathtakingly beautiful,
Yet inexplicably scary.

She looked at her life....full and empty at the same time....
She had intended to remember that there is always more to life than the present happenings..
and that she would continuously find new reasons to live no matter what...

But then a huge rock came crashing down camouflaged in a tidal wave...it shattered a lot of things beyond recognition...all that was left when the tide abated was DEBRIS...
then she asked...
Now how am i supposed to find SENSE and a REASON in debris????
There is a need for very many things...
the need to reemerge...the need to redeem...
the need to rationalize...the need to surmount!!
slowly though it will be...the process must begin...
Must go back to where I can recognize myself....

The Order Of The Pheonix

I finally saw the much awaited 5th movie of the Harry Potter series....
Firstly on a principle I never compare, when the movie is an adaptation on the book.. because inevitably the book is better!
The only movie adaptation of a book that has failed to disappoint me has been Lord Of The Rings.....ARAGORNNN!!!(sigh.......!)
Instead I try to enjoy the movie for itself...because, to recreate such a fantastic world with such elaborate scenes, is far from easy!!
This movie was much darker than its predecessors....Some scenes for example 'Sirius' Death', 'Fight in the Ministry','Weasly twins escape'...they were absolutely brilliant..had me completely riveted!!
The character of Dolores Umbridge, was extremely well executed by Imelda Staunton, right from the overly pink fluffy outfits to the simpering laugh!! Within five minutes of her entry every member in the audience wanted to harm her!
Emma Watson just looks more like an english rose with every passing movie...
And the chemistry betwwen her and Rupert Grinch is palapable just to the correct limits...
Was disappointed by a few scenes like 'Dementos in Little Winghing' and 'Voldemort entering Harry in the Ministry'...but nevertheless it was worth it!!
So...Go out and enjoy the movie..
Cheers!