Words again...

In a sudden flash of realization that words, whether written, read or spoken are a form of solace for any and everyone!

For some its reading their favourite psalm from the bible, for some its a verse from their favourite poem or a letter from their sweetheart. For a few its the comfort of spewing their emotions on paper or for that matter web space. And yet others feel better when they talk about what they are going through or maybe even talk about anything at all. Most commonly people would need to hear words of comfort.

Its so strange...the power of mere words. Although they affect the actual situation in no way. It is pleasant to drown in the relief that they provide and let them ease away all that's troubling us. But I wonder whether they are just another form of escape from actually facing the situation or do they act as medicine for the lacerations when handling life. Then again I remember... Sometimes its these very words that can leave you scarred for life!

EXTREMITIES.......

I have never meant this blog to be a journal....but unwittingly my moods, my fears, my emotions etc have dribbled their way into it....

Incidents and events are of no importance in the bigger picture...they are to be treated as trivialities...if given undue importance, they morph in to disaster!
Well sometimes...when u want to numb the emotions u tend to focus on the event...and analyze its technicalities...the "hows" and "whats" instead of the "whys"...

This is easy to do....emotions and events are manageable when they take place at different intervals of time and are independent of each other....
But when lightning strikes from 4 directions at once, then it is impossible to not think "WHY"??? Rants of self-pity...like.... Why me?? Why now???
But like they say....If not YOU then WHO?? If not NOW then WHEN???

But if u look around closely....Emerge from your convoluted sense of the world and pay some attention...Keep your eyes and ears open....
You will realize...you definitely are not the only one....
Its literally "Kahaani Har life ki".....
and with time and experience I've also come to believe in the adage...
"That which doesn't kill you..only makes you stronger!"

So...I figure...Live...
Go Make Mistakes...and some more!!Fall...so that you can rise again.....all the wiser for the fall.....

But for those who understand the happier side of the world...
My perception of the world just gets weirder..

I live in happiness and despair all at the same time....Tremendously happy...making everyone who stays around laugh....and feel the twinkle of their happiness...let it invade ur being....
UNTIL...the other monster takes over....the sulky, sullen, irritable...near-clinical-depression self...which emerges to simply confuse the shit out of you!!

So effectively...I become...Happy...Depressed...Confused!!
Now Do I clinically qualify for psychosis???

Now answer me this....So...What is my mood today????

Back to the basics...

She sat alone on the beach staring at the immense expanse of the ocean...
desolate...scared...lonely....
nothing was particularly wrong in life...but nothing was particularly right either...
As random thoughts flitted through her brain...she felt a desperate urge to write something...
So she blindly penned down her thoughts...Her hands moved involuntarily...when they finally stopped, she tried to read the words...
But they were a blur...it took her several attempts before she could focus and see them clearly....they read...

It takes you away from the mundane,
Yet everything remains the same,
In its vastness, everything pales to insignificance,
Breathtakingly beautiful,
Yet inexplicably scary.

She looked at her life....full and empty at the same time....
She had intended to remember that there is always more to life than the present happenings..
and that she would continuously find new reasons to live no matter what...

But then a huge rock came crashing down camouflaged in a tidal wave...it shattered a lot of things beyond recognition...all that was left when the tide abated was DEBRIS...
then she asked...
Now how am i supposed to find SENSE and a REASON in debris????
There is a need for very many things...
the need to reemerge...the need to redeem...
the need to rationalize...the need to surmount!!
slowly though it will be...the process must begin...
Must go back to where I can recognize myself....

There's No Hope

I came across this recently...and it touched a chord somewhere...

There's No Hope


you don't even know the pain i feel
when i start to question what is real
i know you're the cause
my lust for you gnaws
its way, through my brain
and i'm here, alone standing
by myself, with tears of understanding
rolling down my cheeks

this time i'm really confused
about what i should do
i have this fear of never being satisfied
i can't find stable happiness,
i've tried and tried ,
this isn't easy,

i'm the butt of my own joke,

i want some affection, this is all i hope

but now i know my bended
heart won't be mended
by your love....
no longer will i cry
or ask for help from up above
and i'll live my life until i die
wondering if i'll ever be satisfied
it's not easy being the butt of your own joke
i want some affection, this is all i hope

-Derek del Barrio

SUICIDE

SUICIDE

When life was bleak,

No hope, No light,

No will to fight,

That was when I thought of Suicide;

With walls closing in,

No sound, No sight,

No will to live,

That was when I thought of Suicide;

Stripped of all feeling,

No sense, No emotion,

No will to find reason,

That was when I thought of Suicide;

Life seemed more precious,

No courage, No right,

No delusion, Just fright,
That happened when I thought of Suicide;

So forever more I am,

No feeling, No reason,

No life, Just existance,

That was when i couldn't take my Life.

-Sneha