Conclusion....

A snippet which ended an era in my life....

Me: Truth of life personified...
"We make them cry who care for us,
we cry for them who will never care for us,
and we care for them who will never cry for us"

He: "Never be sad for missing whatever you expected..
instead be happy that God made you realize that
those expectations weren't worth your life"
Seems true enough i guess...bye!

Me: If only it was....Bye!

He: It always is...None of us accept it openly..but its true..
I know I'm the wrong person to be saying this..
But.. EXPECT NOTHING!!
Shambho Mahadeva...

Laburnums

Outside my window a laburnum tree depictive of our relationship...

Shriveled leaves in trepidation of a gust...

pendulous flowers harbingers of life interrupted not ended...

A pledge of continuity in the golden lacy clusters

To wallow and not extricate is the bane.....

To extricate and debase is the fate.....

Once over an done with I qualify for grace....

Video Games just passed me by…

Today, you would be hard put to find a person who has not played Video games or computer games in their life, not specifically childhood, but any point of time in life. Well look no further for you have found your specimen!

While all my peers speak excitedly about the “NFS Carbon” (I don’t even know whether I’ve got the name right!) and “World of War craft” I stand by with no resource for input to the conversation! Friends have all-night LAN gaming parties where I have to either feign disinterest or risk a scandalized barrage of “What do you mean you’ve NEVER played video games !!!???”

To give some background, I work with an Internet Marketing firm thus making websites of radically different genres, types and purpose a part of my daily life. I recently had to work on this website called fatgamer.com, which is an e-commerce that sells Video Game Accessories at discounted prices. Well when I initially studied the website, it was more alien than Greek and Latin to me! Nintendo Wii, PS3, Xbox 360, PSP et al and my head was spinning. Of course I’d HEARD these names before, but to write about these and work on them is all together a different ball-game!

Well, left with no alternative I took it head on! Gaming Magazines became by bedside reading, I actually went to Croma to understand firsthand the difference between the graphics of the PS3 and Xbox 360 and spent hours researching the net for material. After all that homework I put myself to test…I tried to conduct a conversation about this stuff with my 12 year old cousin. My result??? Success!! I actually managed without falling on my face, he now actually considers me an authority on it! He..he.. that’s how much he knows!

Well my job on the site is done an passed on to other hands, but it has left me with one addition to my wish list! My very own PS3 games!!

In the eye of the beholder

Boredom is rampant today where attention spans last micro seconds and todays new got old yesterday. My threshold for the same is very low as most of my generation. It was time to alleviate this reccuring boredom which is slave to distractions. Indeed it was!
People and places are a fascinating subject!
There kick in the complaints...
"I dont have the time".."I'm too busy"..."Travelling nowadys is such a pain"..et al..

But I say you dont need the time all you need is your normal life.
We all travel to our place of work or study...run small errands for home or atleast go shopping!
Look around observe, the world is new each time you look at it!
Take a new route to a familiar place, reach there by a different means of transport..Look around you is a place of beauty that is uniqe, like no other! Isn't that what we look for each time?
My answer to places and travel is a poem my cousin once wrote..

I see beauty in the overcast sky
I see beauty in the rabbits eye..

At this juncture I'm going to make a statement- People are fascinating.(period)
There is a story with each person and in every conversation. A wonderful new horizon better than a book of stories is open to you. The variety of joys, sorrows, problems and events that you get a peek into within a window of a 10 minute conversation is phenomenal. Apart from the appreciation of the human spirit you develop another gift is the value of your life and the conveniences we usually take for granted.
These two observations in place....I'm never bored now!!

Extract

There are days when sorrow is like a physical ache. Under your skin, its is a soiled washcloth the surgeon left inside before sewing you up. In your bloodstream, it’s a murky grey fluid, an effluent without an outlet. Inside your ribcage, it is the deadweight of despair. Even neon seems dim, music grates. People are talking to you, but all want is for them to go. Their concerns are trite, banal, pointless, compared to the grief that you cannot share with anyone. There are such griefs and they are most terrible.

At this precise point of time, happiness may seem a myth, a chimera, a bedtime story for children, a poor urban legend. When were you happy last? Yesterday? The day before? Yes, you can remember those times, those moments, but you cant believe it was you. It was another person, yes. It was another world. Here, now, this moment, you can never be happy.

You make a list. You start small: mundane happiness’s, commonplace joys and random unplanned delights in a world where happiness was allowed. Lying about in a meadow in the winter sun. The caress of a river breeze on your face. Getting wet in the rain after seven years. Cuddling up with someone you love under the quilt.

But memories of happiness can hurt too. Can you ever go back to those moments and experience them again, now, with the knowledge of what comes after? Will the sky ever be as azure as it was on that winter day 10 years ago? The quilt may be the same, but you could be alone.

Happiness happens. But the patterns of its arrival are random, and its departures are staggeringly unexpected. It knows no reason and follows no apparent logic. Causality can be established, but you know that introspection and analysis often spoil it. It can be a warm light, it can be a cool blue. Anticipation can be it, so can afterglow. Bliss is doing nothing at all but it can also be working at a feverish pace. But most of all, right no, for you, happiness appears.

A sleeping child, a warm puppy, a mother’s lap. Two rainbows in the same sky and animals hiding in the clouds. The first snowfall, the last love of your lfe. Ducklings waddling down to the pond, the sighting of dolphins.

People find happiness all the time, You know that. P.G.Wodehouse and the Pickwick Papers. M.S.Subalakshmi singing Suprabhatam in the morning. Vintage Kishore Kumare on the car stereo at 100kmph on the highway. The Lion King from Hollywood and Munnabhai MBBS from Mumbai.

But why do you need to be happy? Why do you crave for it, if the only thing you know for sure about happiness is the inevitability of betrayal? Happiness won’t last, it will leave, without even the courtesy of a wave goodbye. Did not one of your professors once tell you that creativity is directly proportional to the amount of tragedy you hold in your heart? What sort of pictures could a Vincent Van Gogh with his soul at ease paint? What is the big deal about happiness? From your limited knowledge of the world’s major religions, you have a sense that most messiahs have spoken about the peace of mind, rather than happiness. You could be wrong, but that’s the notion you have.

This place seems strange to me after such a long hiatus. I will have to refill it with ME!!
but strange as it may be..it is also strangely familiar..

the peaches and ice-cream still make my mouth water..

I'M BACK!!

UP AND AT 'EM....ATOM ANT!!!!

I haven't been here or to any of the blogs I frequent for quite a while now...
& am going to be away for longer...
when I start visiting your blogs again...thats going to be a while given my screwed up schedule..
that will mean I'm back on the blogging scene!!

Thanks and Regards...

P.S: I really hope I'll see all of you people around again when I come back..please please!!

Cheers! and Ciao!!

Dheeme se naseem mein aagaz hai teri,
Samandar ki mauj mein ehsaas hai teri;
Kaliyon ke rang mein muskaan hai teri,
Mere in lafzon mein hi pehchaan hai teri..

Memoir in six words

Celebrating the vacuum between insanity and illusion..

Silsila Suron Ka

I experienced a rare treat yesterday, two of the greatest instrumental maestros of Indian Classical Music performing together after seven long years.
Pandit Shiv Kumar Sharma on the Santoor and Pandit HariPrasad Chaurasia with the flute created magic yet again like in their album "The Valley Recalls".
It was quite by chance that I was able to go and I really thank the heavens for it. Each of these maestros are synonymous with the instruments they play. They have elevated the status of their respective instruments and classical music world over and also retained the sanctity of their art.
The performance was organized by CRPIM(Center for Research and Promotion of Indian Music) along with Perfect Octave at Shanmukhananda Hall, Matunga. The program was divided into three one hour segments.





First there was performance by Pt. Shiv Kumar Sharma on the Santoor accompanied by Ustaad Bhawani Shankar on the Pakhawaj, a percussion instrument- ancestor to the tabla. The rippling river like sounds of the santoor and the resounding sharp beats of the pakhawaj complemented each other beautifully reminding one of a river with a rocky bed close to a waterfall.
Shiv Kumar Sharma started an aalaap in raag Madhuvanti which Ustaad Bhawani Shankar built up to a jod, slowly leading the concert into a beautiful cresendo.







The second performance was by Pandit Hari Prasad Chaurasia accompanies by Vijay Ghate on the tabla and Santosh Shank supporting on the flute. Panditji played a beautiful composition in raag Maruvihaag, which he jokingly proclaimed as "mera vihaag". The bansuri (flute) sounded like molten jaggery with all its sweetness overflowing. He led tabalchi Vijay Ghate a merry dance when they began the jugalbandi, but the latter manfully held his own to hearty applause.

The third and final segment was indeed a treat like I have earlier called it. Shiv Kumar Sharma began, sitting beside Chaurasia, dedicating the jugalbandi and performance to their age old friendship, claiming that it was not restricted by mortal life. There was an expectant taste in the body of the audience. The stage looked like a gathering of old friends, Sharma, Chaurasia, Ghate and Bhawani Shankar, great instrumentalists in their own right playing together creating a symphony, yet giving each other space. It was an hour and a half of pure rapture indescribable in words. They played primarily in raag Khamaj keeping it lightly classical with a little mixing of raagas. They teased, challenged and complimented each other drawing the audience completely into their performance. They enjoyed themselves thoroughly and that same joy was transmuted to the audience.
They received a unanimous standing ovation from an audience of around 15oo.
This was undoubtedly one of the most memorable evening of my life.

Someting about a few things...

Strange title though my post possesses it does originate from someplace in reality.
After a long spell of a relaxed time wherein the most taxing thing I would have done would be to simply get myself to college ( in which also, records say I defaulted by more than 40%......OMG!!! I'm sooo dead!), I was suddenly plagued with what I call quite a bit of work yesterday.
Though I'm still in my final semester my training for my future job in Convonix has begun. As a part of the evaluation process we have to complete an assignment in the each week before we met for the training session again.
Well can you guess what my assignment for this week was???
Writing articles for BlOGS!!!! Cool na?
My deadline for the articles was Thursday before midnight. Only thing was I knew nothing about the topics. But everything considered not too bad.

Yes, thats what I was beginning to think as well when I realized on Thursday morning I had a project presentation and report due Friday morning 9.00 am for which I had to actually "CREATE" the project to present!
ALSO I had an article due for a magazine!!

My day went thus-
Thursday 6th March 2008
8.00 am:
Woke up with a nightmare. Got bathed and dressed.

9.00 am
Assessed exactly what had to be done and got started.

11.00 am
1 trigger of project complete(please I deserve applause for this one!)
An article on Personal Loans Complete.
Rush hurriedly for driving class.

1.00 pm
Enter home.
Gobble down lunch.
Get back to work.

4.00 pm
1 entire module of project completed(yelled-"Yaayy!!I have something to present!!")
Article on Home Loan complete.
Researching Video Game consoles(I know naught about them!)

7.00 pm
Article on Video Games complete(I actually know the differences and features of Wii, PS3 and XBOX now...theoretically of course)
Article on fractal theory complete.
Begin report of project.

8.00pm
Salsa Class.

9.30 pm
Devour dinner.
Continue Report.

11.00 pm
13 pages of the report done.
Begin Powerpoint presentation.

1.00 am(7th March 2008)
Compiled report and ppt ready.

1.30 am
Study 25 pages for test which is scheduled in 8 hours.

3.00 am
Drop into bed exhausted.
----------------------------------
I'm sorry I bored you'll with my entire day's timetable. But its been a long long time since I'd done so much work all in one day and I learnt a little about so many diverse topics.

1. Personal loans
2. Home loans
3. Use of fractals and applications
   
4. Video games
5. Insurance
6. My own final year project(lol...)

Now, thats what I call a satisfying day!

Little Boxes

Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky-tacky,
Little boxes, little boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

The life of an average individual is so predictable. Though different in the details, everyone leads the same life in essence. Like Malvina Reynolds says, we are all like little boxes! Sure I may be a 4*4 box painted in orange and you may be a 3.75*3.75 box painted in green, but at the end of the day we are both cuboids!

And the people in the houses
All go to the university,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
And there's doctors and there's lawyers
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

Each one trying to find your own niche in the world, looking for essentially the same things. I can bet that 90% of people reading this post will have a similar list, Security, Comfort, Family, Love etc...
There is a said way to go about this. Do well at school choose a good profession and spend more than a quarter of your life slogging towards it and the rest, slogging to keep what you have achieved.

And they all play on the golf-course,
And drink their Martini dry,
And they all have pretty children,
And the children go to school.
And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
And they all get put in boxes
And they all come out the same.

Many people whose blogs I follow have been speaking about love and marriage increasingly lately. Not that I'm reading anything into it but we all eventually do want to be settled and not live out life alone. Children when they come along will have their futures planned so that they in turn can be secure and comfortable.
Restarts the circle...
Little boxes...

And the boys go into business,
And marry, and raise a family,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.
There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

Life goes on..

I do not venture to comment on the integrity or achievements of anyone's life but don't you feel like being a different shape sometimes.
I want to be a cone made out of mount board painted in fuchsia!
I don't want to graduate I want to paint and only paint through my life!
I don't want to care where my next meal is going to come from and whether I'll be able to retain this roof over my head tomorrow!

Well but in the end, we are all little boxes, little boxes and we all look just the same!

I love Peter Seeger's songs which my father exposed me to as a child. This is also the theme song for weeds. Do listen to the song.

I Need To Know!!

A person without thoughts is not a possibility. The thoughts may be redundant, silly, stimulating, destructive..anything but, thoughts they are!
We think about multifarious things in a day. Thoughts triggered by different events, with a varied essence and of varying magnitudes.
According to me Maslow's Pyramid of needs helps in answering a lot of questions which are physiological and psychological in nature. It can help each of us identify the pattern of our thoughts.
Maslow's hierarchy of needs consists of five levels: the four lower levels are grouped together as being associated with Physiological needs, while the top level is termed growth needs associated with psychological needs. Deficiency needs must be met first. Once these are met, seeking to satisfy growth needs drives personal growth. The higher needs in this hierarchy only come into focus when the lower needs in the pyramid are satisfied. If a lower set of needs is no longer being met, the individual will temporarily re-prioritize those needs by focusing attention on the unfulfilled needs, but will not permanently regress to the lower level.

So when we actually reach the stage of self-actualization we are apparently materially and emotionally satisfied individuals.

After a lot of analysis I figured I think I'm in the "Need to Know and Understand" segment.

So where do you figure you stand in the hierarchy of needs?

FACEBOOK

The latest in a line of fads online is FACEBOOK and it has been for a while now!
It does have its positives vis a vis other networking sites like the profile block options have taken the security to another level and the graffiti options lend it a very personal touch.
Another thing that makes facebook popular is its innumerable applications. There is available a wide spectrum of applications from the cutest ones like "What comic strip character are you?" to completely outrageous ones like, "What is your secret sexual fantasy?". Most of them are absolutely random and thus amazingly popular.
The human touch comes in with the superpokes like cuddle, party with etc (and can also be as silly as 'throw sheep at'!) and the Hug me applications. When used in moderation it can genuinely put a smile on your face. Awarding superlatives and nicknames to friends has become the coolest and sweetest gesture!
I find myself taking the most random quizzes on earth to simply kill time (it results in mass murder though!). My friends typically sned me atleast an average of 10 crazy requests a day.
A nice thing is that I met a couple of my blogger friends on facebook as well- helps me know them better.
What is sad is that the core purpose of the site .ie. Networking and Communication seems to be getting lost in a melee of applications!
Of all the people reading this..If you are on face book-
How many use it to leave your friends a message instead of throwing sheep at them?
Also your opinion on the place and importance of networking sites in our life is welcome.
Cheers.

This is unfortunately how MY facebook profile looks.. :(

Words Of Wisdom

1. No one can ruin your day without YOUR permission.

2. Most people will be about as happy, as they decide to be.

3. Others can stop you temporarily, but only you can do it permanently.

4. Whatever you are willing to put up with, is exactly what you will have.

5. Success stops when you do

6. The biggest lie on the planet: "When I get what I want I will be happy."

7. The best way to escape your problem is to solve it.

8. Look for opportunities...not guarantees.

9. When things go wrong.....don't go with them.

Most importantly....

10. Now is the most interesting time of all.

With a Parsi tinge

"Family Matters" by Rohintan Mistry is a book I read at the recommendation of a friend, whose judgment I fortunately trust. I say fortunately because I adored his style of writing.

There is absolutely nothing climactic about the novel. Family Matters is a story about Parsi family living in modern Mumbai dealing with the day to day gravities of youth, age, death, duty and desire.

Only in his words the humdrum of daily life gets transformed. The best parts of the novel are the simple accounts of daily life breakfast time in an household, the children's jokes, family rituals etc. Here is one of those authors who does not just give you an insight into the lives of his characters but nudges you to laugh, weep, despair and live with them.

The novel opens with an account of old Nariman Choudhary's birthday party. Nariman is old and frail, constantly haunted by memories of his past. He lives in Chateau Felicity with his middle-aged step-children, Jal and Coomy. The family is visited by Nariman's daughter, Roxana, with her husband and their two young sons. It show cases the relationships in a family which though fragmented by history is bound together by mystery. The suspense of Nariman's apparently scandalous but in reality helpless and painful past is revealed through the book in bits and pieces, like random isolated pearls to collect before you can string them together. The prose slips in and out of different perspectives: sometimes we feel Nariman's pain, sometimes Roxana's concern or Jal's guilt. The novel begins with Nariman, but the final word goes to Jehangir - from the old to the young.

This novel traces the lives of many individuals and how they fit into each others life to weave a fabric that gives us the essence of life and the living, youth and its innocence and age and death.
In case you do plan to read it. I will recommend a corner with minimal intrusions for this one.

MY BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!!!!

I just completed the 21st year of my life on February 8th and this year the celebrations
have been the best of all. This was all due to my friends who were wonderfully brilliant!

The day started at 12.00 am with friends and family from all over the globe calling to wish me a Happy Birthday. Many friends with whom I had completely lost touch called me as well, that felt really great. Amidst all of this, come 12.10 am a couple of my friends from my building landed with a cake. I know this is no new thing, but it was the first time that it was done for me so I was extremely excited.

Well one of the unfortunate things is that I had to sit through an entire day of lectures. Once that was done with I had planned a stay-over at a college friend's place. There the day seemingly began to go downhill. My friend told me in the middle of the day that we might not be able to manage a stay-over because she might be having some guests at short notice. Also most of my friends dropped out one by one due to some reason or another.

When the lectures were done, the friend whose house I was to stay at convinced me to at least spend sometime with her at Pheonix Mills, irrespective of whether or not we could manage the night time party. Churlishly I conceded.

Then began the surprise! I reached the McDonalds at Pheonix Mills to find that all my college friends were there, they had only pretended to drop out! We sat around ate and chatted for a bit, but my friends were strangely reluctant to leave. After about 20 minutes I come to know why!
They had co-ordinated with all my closest friends in Mumbai and got them all to come as a surprise for me. They also said that the stay over was very much on the agenda, the drama was simply to keep my mind of their other plans. The best part was that when I realized my friend Madhuri, sitting in Pune, had co-ordinated all of this!
We made merry for a bit while I was just unable to wipe a silly grin of happiness off of my face!

The rest of the evening went as planned. Cake, pizza, pepsi, party games and a late night drive!

It was my best birthday ever!!
I thank God everyday for my family, now I've realized that I HAVE to include my friends in that list as well!

I've fucking been torn apart!!

I'd come across this review site- Ask And Ye Shall Receive, when Neo got his blog reviewed.
So I decided to submit my blog as well. Not just for kicks but because I genuinely want to try to take it to the next level.
I know that, no one person's opinion is the be all and end all of the world, but for me EACH ONE COUNTS!
So here goes:-


She's giving me a toothache
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
There was a time, many, many years ago, when I had a Molly Ringwald perm and 20 pairs of Guess jeans and wore white Keds with everything. I made mix tapes of slow songs from the radio and wrote heartfelt and weepy poetry. I sent rambling notes to friends with cutesy acronyms (KIT, FFE, BFF) and used hearts to punctuate my exclamation points.

Because I was that girl once upon a time, it makes it hard to slam Sneha from Life is Above it All. Oh, she's quite a bit older than I was during the time I'm remembering, and she's a good deal smarter than I was, but that core of innocent youth remains. I don't want to squash that earnest hopefulness.

It's not that this is a hot mess. It's just... young. And fluffy.

To start with she's managed to include two of my pet peeves. There's a huge ass banner that takes up the entire page and I have to scroll for ages to get to content. Why do people do this? Why? Next, she uses ellipses constantly. Look, y'all. There's a time and place for these popular little dots: to indicate the removal of text, to indicate a thought trailing off, or to indicate a pause in speech. And that's about it folks. Overuse can be extremely annoying to read.

Some more problems? Lots and lots of poetry. Sappy, angsty poetry. It's not for me. Some people enjoy it, I'm sure, but I can't get into it. Especially rhyming poetry.

Also, the subtitle portion in the banner means absolutely nothing to me. "Emotion is not a football." What? I'm sure there's a cultural disconnect here as she's Indian and I'm American, but I can't for the life of me understand what she's getting at. And unfortunately that happens a lot for me with this writing. Oh, she's smart. No doubt. And kind and good and sweet and hard-working. But unfortunately for me this blog boils down to a lot of words on a screen. And not much else.

This is a young girl's diary, a smattering of thoughts and poems and daily experiences that, while meaningful to her and her friends, does not lend itself to wider consumption. And maybe that's fine. Maybe that's all she wants. But by submitting her site to be reviewed my guess is maybe she's ready for more. If that's the case, some suggestions:

Tighten up. Edit. Get rid of the ellipses, use proper spacing around punctuation, refrain from using cutesy IM-speak (ur, u, 2, shud, cuz, randomly capped and lowercase words, etc.). Don't write in all lowercase -- e.e. cummings can get away with it, you can't. Write for yourself but consider your audience. What do we want to know? Do we want to read paragraphs and paragraphs of your daily experiences? No, absolutely not. Find something interesting to write about. Boil it down, find the good bits, wrap it up in a bow, be concise.

Find your voice -- right now you're one of thousands of sweet young girls with nothing much to say. What makes you different? What do you have to say? Where is your individuality? I read your whole blog, and I know there's more you're not sharing: you're observant and insightful and you have a charming spirit. But it's flat on the screen. There's no dimension.

Right now it's a



but don't give up. Get cracking on my suggestions and let's see where you end up.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, the rating means-
We meant to rate you, really we did, but we fell asleep reading your shit. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. snore.

Oh well!! Nothing lost!

RESULTS...and more

After a busy and eventful beginning to the year, February has brought with it a slump.
The only thing on my agenda seems to be waiting for results.
Today finally one wait is over..I came to know this morning that I have not made it through to SIMC.
well that only leaves me with my semester exam results to await..

I am co-authoring a new blog with my friend Balaji..
Please do drop by and leave us ur comments..

IDLI CHUTNEY