EXTREMITIES.......

I have never meant this blog to be a journal....but unwittingly my moods, my fears, my emotions etc have dribbled their way into it....

Incidents and events are of no importance in the bigger picture...they are to be treated as trivialities...if given undue importance, they morph in to disaster!
Well sometimes...when u want to numb the emotions u tend to focus on the event...and analyze its technicalities...the "hows" and "whats" instead of the "whys"...

This is easy to do....emotions and events are manageable when they take place at different intervals of time and are independent of each other....
But when lightning strikes from 4 directions at once, then it is impossible to not think "WHY"??? Rants of self-pity...like.... Why me?? Why now???
But like they say....If not YOU then WHO?? If not NOW then WHEN???

But if u look around closely....Emerge from your convoluted sense of the world and pay some attention...Keep your eyes and ears open....
You will realize...you definitely are not the only one....
Its literally "Kahaani Har life ki".....
and with time and experience I've also come to believe in the adage...
"That which doesn't kill you..only makes you stronger!"

So...I figure...Live...
Go Make Mistakes...and some more!!Fall...so that you can rise again.....all the wiser for the fall.....

But for those who understand the happier side of the world...
My perception of the world just gets weirder..

I live in happiness and despair all at the same time....Tremendously happy...making everyone who stays around laugh....and feel the twinkle of their happiness...let it invade ur being....
UNTIL...the other monster takes over....the sulky, sullen, irritable...near-clinical-depression self...which emerges to simply confuse the shit out of you!!

So effectively...I become...Happy...Depressed...Confused!!
Now Do I clinically qualify for psychosis???

Now answer me this....So...What is my mood today????

Back to the basics...

She sat alone on the beach staring at the immense expanse of the ocean...
desolate...scared...lonely....
nothing was particularly wrong in life...but nothing was particularly right either...
As random thoughts flitted through her brain...she felt a desperate urge to write something...
So she blindly penned down her thoughts...Her hands moved involuntarily...when they finally stopped, she tried to read the words...
But they were a blur...it took her several attempts before she could focus and see them clearly....they read...

It takes you away from the mundane,
Yet everything remains the same,
In its vastness, everything pales to insignificance,
Breathtakingly beautiful,
Yet inexplicably scary.

She looked at her life....full and empty at the same time....
She had intended to remember that there is always more to life than the present happenings..
and that she would continuously find new reasons to live no matter what...

But then a huge rock came crashing down camouflaged in a tidal wave...it shattered a lot of things beyond recognition...all that was left when the tide abated was DEBRIS...
then she asked...
Now how am i supposed to find SENSE and a REASON in debris????
There is a need for very many things...
the need to reemerge...the need to redeem...
the need to rationalize...the need to surmount!!
slowly though it will be...the process must begin...
Must go back to where I can recognize myself....

And they lived happily ever after....

"PotterMania" seems the flavour of the season doesn't it?? Every possible place...conversations...print media..electronic media...with not an inch to spare!!
Well I have been an avid fan of the Harry Potter series form the very first book and though the frenzy had worn down considerably the fascination has certainly not.
The magical world which Rowling introduced to us 10 years ago is still seems as fantastic and intriguing to me. The characters, now so familiar who seem to have grown gradually with us over the time are endearingly familiar. And each one of us who reads these books relates at some level and to some extent with the emotions she has infused in them.
J.K.Rowling, by style is descriptive and know how to build the suspense in the plot. All her previous books have made for a good read(admittedly in varying degrees), but this book surpasses them all. I say this because all the answers she had kept tantalizingly secret have finally been revealed all the loose ends tied, and she had left so many such questions unanswered that every second page was like a revelation! It kept me gripped and flipping pages for an uninterrupted 9 and a half hours till I had devoured each one of the 607 pages!!
But for a change I shall not talk about the plot of the book or of the excellent characterization..but of what endeared it to me...
simply put...it was..
The fantastic reality of it all!!
Now i know..fictional world...but when i say reality I mean of the things she actually speaks about..the essence...
Of friendship...Of love..Of courage...Of sacrifice...Of self-righteousness...Of all the usual idealistic jargon and blah...
But with such a human touch...
Because its also..
Of weakness...Of treachery...Of jealousy...Of despair..Of making difficult choices...Of all the things real life is made of and we like not to talk of it...
In absurd ways each one can find instances they can relate with and personal demons can be faced and resolved..

Yes..obviously the last duel is dramatic and exciting and Voldemort according to me dies in an anti-climax...but Rowling stuck to the formula of " All's well that ends well"...for how could she kill Harry...after all she put him through...
The end of the book...for those who are yet unaware...the "Ninteen Years Later" lends it all a very "Ekta Kapoorish" touch..
But finally the end of a saga...
And they lived happily ever after....

A few of my paintings...

RESULTS...

I believe...
Exams are devised not to evaluate but to eliminate !!

One of the worst things about engineering is that we have 2 major exams in a year...S effectively we are all the time either..
preparing for exams..
giving exams..
or waiting for the results...
and awaiting results is a trying time for everyone...without exception....
Ok...so in my college...the results are put up in lists on this one particular wall..so it has obviously been dubbed the "Result Wall"....
and every time any old results and notices are cleared...
the uncertainty..the sos' and the prayers start pouring out!!
>Is it our result being put up??
>I hope i've cleared xyz paper/s!!!
>God please help!!
there is this knot that ties itself up in everyone's stomach....and the usual symptoms of fear..
some start shuddering with tremors as though they are reaching hyperpyrexia....
some behave as tho rigor mortis has miraculously set in while they are still alive...
some remain cool most of it..but 5 mis prior jump like cats on a hot tin roof..

So while waiting for my results...(which haven't yet come..it was a false alarm..)
I scribbled a few lines to relieve the tension...which a few found quite funny so here goes....


Tension palpable in the air,
Someones fallen off their chair;

Someones biting off their nails,
Somewhere emenate scared wails;

Watch the scene, look one and all,
Results are being put up on the 'WALL';

Shitting bricks, goosebumps prick,
Oops! Someones off being sick;

Lets check quick,PASS or FAIL,
Before we suffer a heart fail.

There's No Hope

I came across this recently...and it touched a chord somewhere...

There's No Hope


you don't even know the pain i feel
when i start to question what is real
i know you're the cause
my lust for you gnaws
its way, through my brain
and i'm here, alone standing
by myself, with tears of understanding
rolling down my cheeks

this time i'm really confused
about what i should do
i have this fear of never being satisfied
i can't find stable happiness,
i've tried and tried ,
this isn't easy,

i'm the butt of my own joke,

i want some affection, this is all i hope

but now i know my bended
heart won't be mended
by your love....
no longer will i cry
or ask for help from up above
and i'll live my life until i die
wondering if i'll ever be satisfied
it's not easy being the butt of your own joke
i want some affection, this is all i hope

-Derek del Barrio

INHERENT PRESENCE

Inherently woven into the fabric of my life;

In the dawn of my day,
In the loniliness of my night,
In all the things that I feel,
At every altar that I kneel;

In the colours of my brush,
In the moments of my solitude,
In all the words that I say,
At every emotion that I display;

In the happiness of my life,
In the hardships of my way,
In all the decisions that I take,
At every choice that I make;

In my breath,
In my blood,
In my heart,
In my soul;

Inherently woven into the fabric of my life.

The Order Of The Pheonix

I finally saw the much awaited 5th movie of the Harry Potter series....
Firstly on a principle I never compare, when the movie is an adaptation on the book.. because inevitably the book is better!
The only movie adaptation of a book that has failed to disappoint me has been Lord Of The Rings.....ARAGORNNN!!!(sigh.......!)
Instead I try to enjoy the movie for itself...because, to recreate such a fantastic world with such elaborate scenes, is far from easy!!
This movie was much darker than its predecessors....Some scenes for example 'Sirius' Death', 'Fight in the Ministry','Weasly twins escape'...they were absolutely brilliant..had me completely riveted!!
The character of Dolores Umbridge, was extremely well executed by Imelda Staunton, right from the overly pink fluffy outfits to the simpering laugh!! Within five minutes of her entry every member in the audience wanted to harm her!
Emma Watson just looks more like an english rose with every passing movie...
And the chemistry betwwen her and Rupert Grinch is palapable just to the correct limits...
Was disappointed by a few scenes like 'Dementos in Little Winghing' and 'Voldemort entering Harry in the Ministry'...but nevertheless it was worth it!!
So...Go out and enjoy the movie..
Cheers!

My lethargy, abbeted by my PC crashing...I have been away for quite a while now...
And I really haven't had anything specific to do these vacations..
Most of my batch mates have spent their vacation in the college, trying for the campus placements...which I, unfortunately am not eligible by the margin of "0.73%"...which really bites at times....but I'm being optimistic as always and not allowing that "little" hurdle to upset my vacation...
So I can truthfully say--I've enjoyed as much as was possible!
I didn't really do any blog worthy things...
Just the usual...
=caught up with friends....(Lunches..dinners..same old, same old)

=saw a few movies...(Shrek3,Plup Fiction,Chini Kum,Bheja Fry)

=read loads of books...(I really liked "Social Intellegence" by Daniel Goleman... Train to Pakistan, Inheritance of Loss, The Smile of Murugan ..to name a few...)

=had a great time with my extended family...my cousins, aunts, uncles...its rare in todays pace of life to have the kind of time to bond, as we did in the last few days..

=went an chopped my hair today...made it from knee length to waist length!!

=Ya..the best thing...I attended a music program of Ustaad Ghulam Ali Khan..
He has come down to India after a long hiatus..the concert was brilliant..it was one of the best things thats happened all vacation...

I generally enjoy plenty of time on my hands...to think about "nothing in particular" and mull over things...but this is the first time in my life when "I've hated my thought processes...disagreed vehemently with myself....and all that thinking just left me distraught...

Am just waiting for my results to come and college to begin so I'll have work to occupy my mind with...

Am awating Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, to hit the screens and the Deathly Hallows , to hit the stores..

Waiting...ultimately just waiting for everything!!