Scream!!

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

I Belong

Entering her new world for the first time, she gasped, a sharp intake of breath; in fear that she might wake up and find that this is all a dream. But the lab was real and to Shiela immensely beautiful. Spartan, surgically clean and wildly futuristic – bathed in luminous white work lights there were gleaming work areas, state-of-the-art equipment and most of all brilliant, brilliant people working away at their stations.

Somewhere on the floor Bryan Adams crooned softly from a cell phone ringer -

‘Let nothing come between this and me,

‘Cause everything I want – is everything that’s here’
“Oh yeah baby! Definitely all here!”

‘This place is paradise – it’s the place I call home’

“My new home...” her eyes gleamed.

Mrs. Mather, the lab director, was giving them, the batch of newbies, the Grand Induction Tour.
Mrs. Mather had short, cropped, chestnut hair, sensible pumps and surprisingly glasses that
screamed Prada with a deep, rich voice; far from the frump was expecting, drawing from the image of Mrs. Mather’s counterparts back home.

“And this is the neo-physics section, completely Mr. Gupta’s domain. Marion and Julio – those there, are your stations. Miss. Newson will be your mentor.” Mrs. Mather ploughed on through the tour and allocations.

“And here we have the, entrance to the Chemistry wing where Mme. Scherbatsky rules.”

“Ah Chemistry!” Shiela loved everything about Chemistry, right from the sound of it, to its ever evolving nature; just as much as she loved the man from whom she had inherited this love, Appa, her father.

She thought back to the cataclysmic argument a year ago – Strains of the Cranberries from her brother’s new Bose speakers were punctuating their argument.

“With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.”
 
“Appa, I really want to go! It’s a great opportunity! The scope for research here in India has become
so limited, it’s almost meaningless.

“Oops!” she had thought immediately; “Now I’ve had it.”

“Are you suggesting that my work is meaningless?” her father roared. She wasn’t able to find the words to explain herself. After what seemed like an interminable pause he said, “It’s your life Shiela.” Turned and walked out of the room.

She was brought back to the present with Mrs. Mather’s deep voice smiling at her, “And Shiela Pundit, you’ve got lab C with Mme. Scherbatsky herself. Lucky you!”

While Dolores O'Riordan was still screeching from her brother’s room,

“But you see, it's not me, it's not my family.
In your head, in your head they are fighting,”

Concealer

She sat in front of the dressing table and unscrewed the concealer, the same brand that she had been using for the last 5 years.She poured out the the ususal copious amounts of concealer and began to carefully apply the liquid on her face.

Remembering back to the day of her wedding when she, who had always been envied for her beauty and her flawless complexion, didn't require any of this unsavoury stuff. She now sat with intense concentration to hide that very skin behind a clayey concealer. She remembered her wedding day nearly 5 years back - the beautician was amazed to see a bride so beautiful without the bridal paraphanelia.It was her face that had captured the attention and consequently the heart of her future husband.

This beauty which she was once so proud of was today the bane of her life. The challenge to hide her pain and still measure up to the standards of the world had become a matter of routine for her.Touching up the makeup she realized this careful regimen for her had now become a sad necessity.

Just as she finished and turned, the pallu of her sari caught on the bottle and it crashed to the ground. She saw the mess caused by the gooey liquid which was for her; not a whim, but a necessity. Suddenly she found herself crying, the broken pieces of glass reflecting her state of mind and something in her snapped and she thought, "Till when will I paint away the streaks of pain??"

She walked into the bathroom and washed away all her makeup to expose her peaches and cream marred by black and purple bruises. Purposefully, she picked up her handbag and strode out of her home into the world without her concealer!

This was the first step in the fight to get her life back!

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I had written this a long while back. Original Location:

http://idlichutney.blogspot.com/2008/12/concealer.html

Time

The earphones fit perfectly for a change, snugly, warm and comforting in my ears.

I reached into my pocket and turned up the volume of my iPod. Dido began to sing a little louder than one second ago.

'no white flag, above my door'

oh no baby, I thought, no white flag.

'...go down with the ship...'

indeed you will, and so will I.

Walking through the aisle, I looked at the passengers on both sides. They stared back mat me scared, faces pale and it struck me a little funny. I positioned myself and began my performance, I'd rehearsed my lines well and knew I would kill it. I realised though, that I was talking a bit too loudly, like headphon'ed' people normally do.

Same can be said true for people with 2 Kg RDX trapped on their bodies. One of my two brothers was done with the praying and he tapped me on the shoulder saying that it was my turn.

I walked into the pilot's cabin and sat in the co-pilot's chair. I smiled at the pilot's blood streaked face which radiated hate at me like a brilliant heater, the kinds we could ony dream of back home on cold winter nights. I sat there looking at the clouds, Strato Cumuls the passanger next to me had called them and the cities standing tall and far far away.

Not for long though.

I did not pray, just skipped to my next favorite song. The clock at my belt slowly ticked to blasting point.

Just enough time to squeeze in Floyd.....'Time'.

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I had written this a long while back. Original Location: http://idlichutney.blogspot.com/2008/12/time.html

The new piece of paper for peace

Another year has gone by. And what an eventful year it was! For those you have B-school interviews lined up...there is a minimum of an event a month in the bygone year to acquaint yourself with. I'll probably do a post on that summarizing everything, since I'm hopefully going to have some interviews coming my way as well.

On a more personal note the year was devastatingly eventful and I'm turning back to this space, my blog, for some solace, strength and the will to stand and re-build again.

In some matters, prior experience just makes the situation worse because you know that this is not the worst there is and that it will be a long while before the sun will shine again.

Without anymore moroseness... here's a wish for a good year in life, in every which way.

The hope for dreams to finally materialize....to win friends back....and as always...to overhaul and better the self.

The healing lies in silence of the mind and madness of the words...

Drafts...

Some of the posts I initiated but never completed -

*Oxymoron

Life had always been good to young Lauralie, a swanky apartment in Manhattan, parents as normal as they get - a call twice a week and her imminent matrimony, or the lack of it, was the only issue they had, a job she enjoyed and friends who never gave up on her. Walking the streets of Manhattan by night was a far more appealing option

*Old Girl...Old City...

Watching a movie has always been an engaging movie for me as irrespective of how abominable the movie might turn out to be I try to live it and relate to the characters while watching it (even the absurd comedies...my imagination is pretty crazy!)

*Growing Up..

Growing up is something you would probably expect a teenager to be doing; but its actually something we all need to be doing each minute. We should not just be "growing older" we should be "growing up"!

Every day in a small way a part of me grows older; but its up to me to see that this part is now also wiser and more at peace with the world. On the suggestion of a friend, Madhuri, I read this piece called Quarter Life Crises. This, my friends, seems to be the absolute flavour of the season, we lot being(me and most of the people I know) being in their early twenty-somethings.

*Untitled

Its strange sometimes how we click with certain people without an iota in common apart from circumstance and that these equations end up lasting a long long time to come. *touches wood*

I have always been greatful for the friends I've had and have and feel glad that there will be more people that will come along to enrich my life.

We have also now come a long way from the traditional methods of making friends

*3 Part Dream

The Incomplete Dream…

Even in life have I not seen a vision so vivid, as when I saw her walking by me in my deepest REM cycle of that glorious afternoon! All dressed in white with a scarf in the color of the sky, and

What matters...

It’s not the words but people who write them that matter,

It’s not the words but from whose mouth they are uttered,

It’s not the kisses but the heart from where the love springs,

It’s not the kisses but whether they make your lover sing,

It’s not the time but with whom it is spent whilst it flies,

It’s not the time but till when you can bide your anguished cries.

Words again...

In a sudden flash of realization that words, whether written, read or spoken are a form of solace for any and everyone!

For some its reading their favourite psalm from the bible, for some its a verse from their favourite poem or a letter from their sweetheart. For a few its the comfort of spewing their emotions on paper or for that matter web space. And yet others feel better when they talk about what they are going through or maybe even talk about anything at all. Most commonly people would need to hear words of comfort.

Its so strange...the power of mere words. Although they affect the actual situation in no way. It is pleasant to drown in the relief that they provide and let them ease away all that's troubling us. But I wonder whether they are just another form of escape from actually facing the situation or do they act as medicine for the lacerations when handling life. Then again I remember... Sometimes its these very words that can leave you scarred for life!

Just us...

A thousand words are not enough for all that I want to say to you,

Eternity is not long enough for the time I want to spend with you,

But in this world where those things are hard to come by,

I will be happy with but a smile and and a moment where our eyes speak...

pal..

aisi kuch baatein hai jo jaan kar bi anjaani hai..

aise kuch shaqs jo anjaan hai par pehchaane hai..

aise hi kuch pal jo apne hai...fir bhi begaane hai..

Khamoshi..

Khamoshiyon ko padhne ki jurrat na ki humne,

Hichkichahat ne thaam rakha tha mann ko,

Zabaan toh sambhal gayi humse,

Dil anjaane mein phisal gaya...

Experience..

Age and experience are supposed to make us wiser...
But from what I see they just make us bitter, cynical or nostalgic...
*sigh*

Wake Up Sid

An extremely refreshing urban romance in the midst of the transition in the life of a boy who finally assumes his responsibilities and becomes a man. The character sketches were perfectly cast and brilliantly executed, with - Supriya Pathak as the shyly doting mother, Anupam Kher as the disappointed father, Ranbir Kapoor as the spoilt brat of a son and Konkona Sen as the strong-willed girl next door, who wants to make it on her own right.

The chemistry between Konkona Sen and Ranbir Kapoor is uniquely charming and immediately strikes a chord! The seamless romance which manifests in the proceedings of the film itself keeps you smiling throughout the movie.

Great pictorial tribute to Mumbai, the erstwhile Bombay. Despite this, the flavour of the experience is tainted in the fact that objections can be raised on trivial issues such as using the older version of the city's name in a couple of dialogs.

All in all a good watch...2 and a half hours well spent...


A brilliant song from the movie....

The Window Slightly Ajar...

Dearest,

All this while, we have been estranged, there have been oceans of thoughts i have wanted to share with you. Things I would not normally share with anyone but would feel completely natural to let you know exactly what I am thinking at that precise moment.

Primarily amongst these, is the realization that my past associations, including the one with you, have been so strong that they in some way colour my present and will colour my future relationships as well. In this process of moving ahead, wherein I needed to shut shop entirely, there has remained a window that is ever so slightly ajar. This window in me which remains ajar is enmeshed in a time warp of such intensity that it insists on never letting me be whole again.

Now, emotional ambiguity prevails predominantly! In every action, reaction, relation, elation; there is a void....a vacuum that can't be filled...not even by your presence. I need someone capable enough to withstand the time warp to shut that last window, that's ever so slightly ajar.....Therein lies my salvation...

Yours....

My friend, Sancho

Its not the greatest literary achievement, but in the midst of an average story, Varma has hidden some amazing gems, that make me want to see where he can take his next book.

A few brillant pieces from Amit Varma's debut "My Friend, Sancho"....

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In the red corner, Heart. In the blue corner, Brain. The bell rings. Brain steps out and weaves in a cerebral manner, footwork assured, technique impeccable. Heart, saunters out, belches and swings wildly. A few seconds later, Brain is on the floor, trying to breathe. Heart, like a WWF wrestler, climbs onto the ropes at the side of the ring and dives onto Brain, elbow first. Brain goes into coma. Heart raises arms triumphant over an enemy that never had a chance in the first place.

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My house was a mess, as it always is: some mornings I wake up and have trouble finding myself. Abir, Abir, I shout, as I go from room to room, No success. Then I go through the day feeling disjointed, and when I finally do find myself, it’s when I wasn’t looking. Whatever.

Also has a good blog -- worth a read >> India Uncut

*Next Life** **by Woody Allen*

In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day.

You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then

when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day.

You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.

You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous,

then you are ready for high school.

You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities; you
become a baby until you are born.

And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa like conditions with central heating and

room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then...

Voila!
.
.
.

You finish off as an orgasm!


I rest my case!!!
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This makes more sense than anything I've ever read!

Conclusion....

A snippet which ended an era in my life....

Me: Truth of life personified...
"We make them cry who care for us,
we cry for them who will never care for us,
and we care for them who will never cry for us"

He: "Never be sad for missing whatever you expected..
instead be happy that God made you realize that
those expectations weren't worth your life"
Seems true enough i guess...bye!

Me: If only it was....Bye!

He: It always is...None of us accept it openly..but its true..
I know I'm the wrong person to be saying this..
But.. EXPECT NOTHING!!
Shambho Mahadeva...

Laburnums

Outside my window a laburnum tree depictive of our relationship...

Shriveled leaves in trepidation of a gust...

pendulous flowers harbingers of life interrupted not ended...

A pledge of continuity in the golden lacy clusters

To wallow and not extricate is the bane.....

To extricate and debase is the fate.....

Once over an done with I qualify for grace....

Video Games just passed me by…

Today, you would be hard put to find a person who has not played Video games or computer games in their life, not specifically childhood, but any point of time in life. Well look no further for you have found your specimen!

While all my peers speak excitedly about the “NFS Carbon” (I don’t even know whether I’ve got the name right!) and “World of War craft” I stand by with no resource for input to the conversation! Friends have all-night LAN gaming parties where I have to either feign disinterest or risk a scandalized barrage of “What do you mean you’ve NEVER played video games !!!???”

To give some background, I work with an Internet Marketing firm thus making websites of radically different genres, types and purpose a part of my daily life. I recently had to work on this website called fatgamer.com, which is an e-commerce that sells Video Game Accessories at discounted prices. Well when I initially studied the website, it was more alien than Greek and Latin to me! Nintendo Wii, PS3, Xbox 360, PSP et al and my head was spinning. Of course I’d HEARD these names before, but to write about these and work on them is all together a different ball-game!

Well, left with no alternative I took it head on! Gaming Magazines became by bedside reading, I actually went to Croma to understand firsthand the difference between the graphics of the PS3 and Xbox 360 and spent hours researching the net for material. After all that homework I put myself to test…I tried to conduct a conversation about this stuff with my 12 year old cousin. My result??? Success!! I actually managed without falling on my face, he now actually considers me an authority on it! He..he.. that’s how much he knows!

Well my job on the site is done an passed on to other hands, but it has left me with one addition to my wish list! My very own PS3 games!!